Sourpuss Sales

Fresh out of a “Southern Living” party, also known as “come meet our financial advisor while the cheese dip is still hot,” I decided to dash into a retail store.

“Dash” is generous word. I was in my Sunday stilettos. The kind that says “Praise Him” in the sanctuary and “Help me, Jesus” in the parking lot (smile).

Why do I still own these shoes? Because they look spectacular. Vanity, thy name is foot pain.

It’s 6:30 p.m. I’m power walking – upright, composed, and pretending the pointy-toes aren’t killing me. But I need long johns.

Life is a balance; sequins up top, thermals below.

Through the doors I go. Immediate confusion.

Is underwear upstairs? Downstairs?

Where is the signage. My feet and I cannot afford to explore!

A salesperson zoomed by. I whisper “excuse me…” to her ponytail. Gone. I move a few feet. She reappears - hallelujah!

I plant myself like a traffic cone. “Excuse me, please, where are the women’s long johns?”

“Down the escalator,” she mumbles, never breaking stride.

I think to myself, ma’am. I don’t even know where the escalator is. Send help. Or a stretcher!

Their window sign dressing had promised, “We make it right all the time.”

Instead, I got a masterclass in what customer service should not have been.

So, for my fellow retailers, entrepreneurs, and anyone who serves humans for a living, here’s how to turn Sourpuss Sales into Sweet Service:

1. Greet, don’t grunt.
   A smile is customer Wi-Fi: it connects instantly. Lift your eyes, lift your energy, and say, “Welcome! What can I help you find?”
2. Own it, don’t outsource it.
   Don’t point – walk. “Let me show you” is six-star language. (Shout-out to my local Walmart team who actually does this. Imagine that..luxury behavior at everyday prices!
3. Listen, don’t leave.
   I hadn’t even explained “women’s, thermal, not the glitter ones” before my guide vanished. Great service solves the whole problem, not just the first sentence.
4. Anticipate, don’t aggravate.
   Clear signs. If the store is a maze, hand me the map. Offer a basket. Notice my shoes, I mean the clues. Slow your pace for the customer hobbling in heels.
5. Recover, don’t retreat.
   Missed the moment? Own it. “I’m sorry I rushed past you. Let me take you there and see if we have your size.” A quick apology and real help could save the sale.

Tiny Script (steal this):

“Hi! Welcome in. What are we shopping for today?”

“Long johns? Perfect, women’s thermals are downstairs. I’ll walk you to the escalator, then they’re on the left. Do you prefer light or extra-warm? I can grab sizes while you look.”

That’s it. Not rocket science, just human kindness with a plan.

Eventually, I found the escalator (praise Him), bought the long johns, and kept my dignity – barely.

But the next time, I’ll spend where my feet and my feelings are treated with care. Because customer service isn’t a department; it’s a daily decision.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m parting with those pointed-toe shoes, and giving them to Goodwill.