How often do we lie to ourselves? Daily? Hourly? How about minute by minute?

We convince ourselves we’re fine when we’re falling apart. We tell ourselves we’re giving 100% when we’re holding back.

We say we’re going to change but we don’t. Our lies are quiet. They are sneaky. Deceitful. And sadly, we believe them!

But the good news is, once we recognize them, we can stop the lies. The power to shift our thinking starts with us being honest with ourselves.

The Voice That Shapes Us

What we say to ourselves matters. Our inner dialogue runs our lives! A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that self-talk (especially affirming, positive self-talk), can drastically shape our behavior, our decision-making, and our emotions.

Hear me, please! What we think becomes what we do. Tell yourself you’re lazy long enough, and you’ll stop trying. Tell yourself you’re capable, even on the very hard days, and you’ll find a way to make it through.

But, the key? It only works if you believe it!

Positive self-talk is no gimmick. It’s brain science. Dr. Ethan Kross, a psychologist and author of Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It, found that how we talk to ourselves directly impacts our stress levels, our performance, and even our physical stamina.

But where most of us mess up is repeating mantras we don’t believe. We say, “I’m confident,” but our heart screams, “Liar!” That disconnect kills our progress. Self-talk is powerful, but it only works when it’s honest and rooted in reality.

Motivation doesn’t come from reciting empty words; it comes from building trust with ourselves!

That means we must honor what we say.

If you say you’ll go to the gym, go.

If you say you’ll wake up at 4 a.m. to write, get up and write! Every time we break our word to ourselves, we chip away at our own belief in our ability to follow through!

Our Patience Problem

Why do we lie to ourselves? Because we’re impatient!

We set great goals with stupid timelines. “I’ll lose 30 pounds in a month.” “I’ll finish writing my book in two weeks.” Then, when we fail to hit those unrealistic goals, we say: “See? I’m not cut out for this.” And we quit.

Dr. Angela Duckworth, author of Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance, says, long-term success isn’t about talent, it’s about consistency.

And consistency requires patience. But our culture loves speed. We want instant results, instant change, instant success. And when progress feels slow, we quit.

Another lie we tell ourselves, “If it’s not happening fast, it’s not working.” But real growth is invisible for a while. It happens underground, like roots of the bamboo tree that grows 7 years before the tree appears above ground.

Patience Is Disciplined Waiting!

James Clear, in his book, Atomic Habits, breaks its down like this…” the most meaningful outcomes in life are often delayed.” His research shows that results compound like interest, but only if we stick around long enough to collect it.

So how do we build patience in a world that rewards the NOW?

1. Let’s start by telling the truth. Be real about how long things take.
2. Ask yourself: am I giving myself enough time to grow, or am I setting myself up to fail?
3. Shrink our goal. Not our dream!
4. Make the action steps to achieve the goal microscopic!

   
   For example: Want to write your book? Just write 100 words a day. Need to lose weight? Fill your plate with half the amount of food. Walk for 10 minutes a day. What matters is not how impressive the action is, it’s whether we do it!

Honesty Is Our Habit

We need to develop the habit of honest reflection, if we want to stop lying to ourselves.

Ask yourself:

• Did I follow through today with the actions to help me achieve my goal?
• Am I being patient with my process? And if the answer is no, don’t beat yourself up. Just tell the truth and start again!

Remember, our goal isn’t perfection. Our goal is alignment, between what we say and what we do.

Lying to ourselves is easy and comforting. But lying keeps us from confronting our fears, our failures, and the truth about what growth actually costs us in terms of our effort. And so, it keeps us stuck!

To move forward to achieve our goals…

1. Stop saying things we don’t mean.
2. Speak what we’re ready to act on.
3. Take tiny steps forward
4. Respect our own word.

Change happens with our honesty and our sweat effort!

Sweat more!