I recently attended a private banking client acquisition conference, where Willie spoke passionately about how our mindset shapes our ability to recover from setbacks, especially during these anxious, uncertain times.

During the Q&A, one attendee asked the host bank, “What do you really look for when deciding to lend money?”

The banker answered with what he called the “Four Cs: Character, Cash Flow, Collateral, and Capacity.”

Let’s break those down:

• Cash Flow refers to income—monthly or annual revenues that indicate financial health.
• Collateral is what protects the lender if you default.
• Capacity is the future potential of the business to grow.

But it was Character, the very first “C,” that stood out most to me. Why?

Because character is the one factor that isn’t black and white. It’s not on a spreadsheet. It’s built over time, and revealed through our habits, our values, our choices, our stories.

The banker further explained, “We want to hear your story. We want to know who you are, how you’ve handled adversity, how you’ve kept your word. That tells us the likelihood that you’ll repay the loan.”

And I thought to myself, that same principle applies far beyond this banking world. It applies to our every relationship, business or personal.

Are we investigating the character of the people in our lives?

Are we learning their story before we invest our time, our money, or our heart?

We get swept up by their appearance, their charm, and shared interests. But do those things guarantee loyalty, resilience, emotional maturity or that “ride or die partner?

When we’re building something that matters, a company or a committed relationship, we need more than chemistry. We must have character!

Consider these 5 ideas before going into business or pursuing a romantic relationship:

1. What’s their track record with conflict?
2. How do they treat people who can’t offer them anything?
3. Do they show up when it’s inconvenient?
4. How do they recover from mistakes?
5. Do they forgive or hold grudges?

Their past behavior is usually the best predictor of their future behavior. Of course, we shouldn’t be suspicious of everyone we meet. But we must not make assumptions either.

Practice:

1. Listening to understand.
2. Asking specific questions.
3. Bonding slowly.

When we understand someone’s character and story, we give ourselves the power to make formed and wiser decisions. Whether we’re building a company or building a life, our foundation starts with understanding the character (the stories) of those we choose to walk with...for they are shaping our lives!

Now, what’s on your list? Should you revise that list?