In the last year, I’ve become a student of the Stoics. They believe the only thing we can control is ourselves. Not outcomes. Not the behavior of others. Just ourselves.

And if this “self-discipline thing” is the key to successfully navigating life, then I’m in search of Stoic wisdom to help me with my sad emotional state.

After thanking the Lord Jesus Christ for allowing these amazing folks to enter my life, I turn to the Stoic philosopher, Seneca, for practical insights to manage my grief.

Why Seneca? Well, his thoughts on death and loss were viewed through the lens of his Stoic principles. Seneca had buried his only child. And then got word that he’d been brought up on false charges and would be exiled to the middle of the ocean! Yet, he handled his sorrow in a very reflective manner. So, with great respect, I read his thoughts.

Prepare for Loss

Seneca advised that we should be ready for death at any time. He believed that if we lived with purpose and integrity, we’d be able to live each day as if it were our last.

If today were my last day (and I could talk), I’d say “thank you” to any who gathered to see about me. I’d share that I’d been given countless second chances in my life, and I tried to take them all! And that I was grateful.

Are you prepared to die? Have you expressed gratitude for the countless support and opportunities you’ve been given?

Accept the Loss

Seneca spoke of having “emotional resilience.” Today, the similar concept we reference is called “emotional intelligence.” Avoid “excessive mourning” Seneca says. He believed that while it is natural to feel grief, we should not be overwhelmed by it.

Now, I’m not sure I know what “excessive mourning” is! How do you not be overwhelmed when three close friends pass away within six weeks of each other? How do you not think of your own mortality? How do you not struggle with grieving?

Talking about it helps a lot. In fact, I find it cathartic!

Studying the book, Life After Loss by Bob Deitz helps a great deal too.

And of course, counseling.

Here are 3 top remote counseling services I found:

BetterHelp, which is one of the largest online therapy platforms. They have access to over 30,000 licensed therapists. They offer various session formats, including live video, phone calls, and messaging.

They’re in all 50 states and over 200 countries! They even have financial aid available! And they bill monthly with costs ranging from $70-$100 per week.

Talkspace is another. They accept many insurance plans, and offer therapy for individuals, couples, and teens. They offer psychiatric services as well.

They have a subscription plan available. Their fees range from $65-$99 per week, depending on your plan and insurance coverage.

And finally, there’s Brightside. They specialize in treating anxiety and depression and offer therapy and medication management. They accept many major insurance plans, including some Medicare Advantage plans, but not Medicaid! Fees range from $299-$349 per month.

You have the potential for insurance reimbursement.

Life is a Loan

Seneca reminds us that everything external, which includes relationships and possessions, is temporary and beyond our control.

He wrote that we should view loved ones as if they are on loan to us. And that we should be grateful for the time we have with them rather than lament their loss.

I like that! As my husband, Dr. Willie Jolley says, “will we curse for the rose bush has thorns or celebrate that the thorn bush has roses.” Do we grieve that our loved ones are gone or celebrate for they came into our lives.

I’m focusing on celebrating more and grieving less. But it’s a slow process.

Be Mindful

Seneca advocated mindfulness. That’s a popular topic for many today.

Mindfulness is the mental discipline that involves keeping a moment-by-moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and our surrounding environment.

Honestly, this is a struggle for me. But I’m working daily to get better.

Seneca says the key aspects of mindfulness should be to appreciate our present moments and recognize the fleeting nature of our lives and relationships.

Using his perspective should lead to a deeper appreciation of what we have - while we have it! Now, that’s a WOW!

I think adopting Seneca’s Stoic principles, as it relates to managing my loss, can help me have a sense of calm and tranquility and at least some philosophical acceptance, in the face of my life's losses.

Perhaps Seneca’s Stoic views may serve you as well. Visit: www.DailyStoic.com. This site is maintained by Ryan Holiday, a well-known author and advocate of Stoicism.